I am having serious NOLA withdrawls..
It’s bad..I cant even finish a book I was trying to read about the city because it brought back too many memories.
I was talking to one of my good friends today about how a lot of my friends have an issue with me calling New Orleans home. She understood where I was coming from with no explanation needed from me. Some people from New Orleans may not like that I call it home either because I was not born&raised in the lovely city of New Orleans. My best friend of 15years doesn’t even understand. She tries to point out some of my personality characteristics and accredit the bay for them..when it is not true..AT ALL…the only thing I will give credit to the bay for is the way that i talk..but if you would have spoken to me 3months earlier you wouldn’t have heard a lick of California in my voice. Put me back in New Orleans and I promise you my HELLA will turn into BOOKOO (or however you spell it!!)..bounce or Q93 will soon be playing in my radio with me attempting to make my small ass bounce…hot sausage patties,bunny bread, and big shots will stock my refridgerator..$5 Large daiquiris are a MUST for wednesdays…dinner from Cajun’s or Captn. Sals become a weekly rountine..rides on the street car will replace rides in my car…stopping at a bar after work become regular instead of illegal..10min rain showers in the summer, and constant non stop rain in the winter become regular not wierd..comfort food turns from junk food to ooey gooey cake..or turkey necks…gumbo and red beans and rice are eaten all year around, not just when its cold outside..orange will inevitably turn into ernge in my vocabulary (no matter how hard i try to stop it!!)..the list could go on…
BUT…for all intents and purposes…NOLA is my home sweet home. I started and ended college in New Orleans…I got my first REAL job in New Orleans…I got my 1st apartment in New Orleans..my first car that was paid for (mostly) by me?..got in New Orleans (kinda…long story)..I became independent in New Orleans…experienced my first REAL love in New Orleans (with a boy who happens to be from New Orleans)..experienced my first heartbreak in New Orleans…but like i said…i may not have been born&raised in New Orleans..but I GREW UP IN NEW ORLEANS. That is home. I am constantly being told..NO..California..the bay area..thats your home…but really?..I dont feel at home here at all. I will gladly tell anyone that I was born&raised in the bay area..but I will not call it home..home is where the heart is..and my heart isn’t in california..even as I am here in Cali right now..my heart is in Louisiana. I have been to more parts of Louisiana than I have California. I very seldom visit anywhere in the bay area..I don’t go to oakland..I rarely go to San Francisco..I’m never in sacramento unless I’m going to the airport (heading back to NOLA)..I only go to Richmond to visit family..and good jesus..everyone i know that lives in Fairfield is either trying to get the fuck from Fairfield or willingly stuck there. I tried the theory that maybe I just need to get out of California..so I tried to make plans to move near a cousin in ATL…as sweet as that would be…I somehow ended up planning my move back to NOLA. I just feel like that is where I need to be.
Its hard for me to explain how much I love the city without either sounding like a tourist or sounding stupid…or both. But like I said in one of my last posts…whether im there or not..whenever I get a glimpse of the city I honestly stop breathing just for a second. Idk..its like that amazing feeling you get when you go to Hawaii and look out into the ocean and see straight to the bottom of it..that feeling you get when you go to Paris, France and look at the view of the city from the top of the Eiffel Tower..or when you see the gardens of Versailles. That feeling of awe. Idk..New Orleans may not be the cleanest..prettiest city in the world…but to me..its perfect. I have traveled a few places (including the ones mentioned above)..not too many but broad enough to get an idea..and nowhere I have been has given me the feeling that, that city has given me. The closest feeling to this was France..I was 14 and convinced i was going to learn fluent French and move back when I turned 18..but France is a bit of a far reach…not impossible..but just a bit much. But look where i ended up..somewhere with a heavy french history..so maybe it all connects somehow. Anyways..I started to ramble a bit there..but my point is..I honestly can not explain how much I love this city. Not from a tourists..I love to eat..love to get drunk and party and flash my titties type of stereotype…but genuinely love the city. I have never been anywhere with as much history and culture and all-together awesomeness. I get a chill..thats what I have been trying to explain..I get a chill down my spine whenever the city is mentioned around me..when anything that may reference the city is mentioned around me..whenever I see a picture of the city..whenever I walk outside and just look around (when I’m out there)..whenever I hear that accent that 3 years ago I barely understood..I get a chill..my brain looses focus on whatever it was focusing on and fills up with memories and images of my home.
I do not believe in regret. I feel like that if I did something…and some point in time..it made sense to me..it felt like something I needed to do…that needed to be done..I take responsibility for my actions. BUT…if someone where to ask me..what is something that I regret in life…my one&only regret would be to have left this city. That is why I am trying so hard to make my way back as soon as possible.
JESUS..thats long..DAYUM..I needed to get that shit out like a sick kids need to cough up mucus…I couldn’t keep swallowing it..I applaud anyone who reads this..because this is really me just venting and getting those thoughts out of my head and into words..